By Christine Pemberton
GCU Office of Student Care
#Askingforafriend
Learning to let our “yes be yes and our no be no” is a great concept and makes a lot of sense in theory, but it’s hard to put into practice.
Boundaries in relationships are hard – it’s as simple as that. However, not having boundaries in relationships can be equally difficult.
We often avoid setting boundaries for various reasons. For example we want to be liked, we don’t want to upset the other person or we fear rejection. The list can go on and on.
One of the top reasons people avoid setting boundaries is fear of losing the relationship, which is a valid concern. What is ironic about this fear, though, is that when we don’t set boundaries, we are opening the door to possible resentment, which can ultimately lead to a damaged relationship. The very thing that we are trying to avoid actually becomes a reality.
You might wonder, “How do I set a boundary?” The easiest way to explain this is, “Let your yes be yes and your no be no.” Translation: If you have a preference or need, express it.
This can be as simple as having a preference on where to go to eat a meal. Voice your preference. Voicing your preferences or needs doesn’t mean that your needs always will be met, but it gives you the opportunity to honor your need in the first place.
A favorite quote by Brene Brown is, “Choose discomfort over resentment.” Saying yes when we mean no is the easier choice and the path of least resistance. This is the work in setting boundaries … saying no can be uncomfortable and scary, so we avoid it until it builds up and we can’t avoid it anymore.
Stepping into our discomfort is hard. But the process fosters growth and helps us find our voice, and we discover that we can do far more than we ever thought we were capable of.
So ask yourself: Where in life can I make my yes be yes and my no be no? And then take your first small step this next week into finding your voice and discovering just how capable you are!
