By Mike Wallace
GCU Office of Student Care
#Askingforafriend
“I cannot believe I got so angry. That is not like me.”
“I feel so guilty for getting angry at my best friend.”
“I should not feel that way.”
Internal statements of this nature can create a lot of undue stress if you do not know the primary function of emotions. Feelings and emotions are a way for the body to alert you that something may be amiss or a threat.
It is not having an emotion that is the issue. Instead, what we do with the emotion can get us into trouble. Each basic core emotion has a primary function and both a good and bad aspect.
The seven core emotions are anger, fear, pain (sadness), joy, shame, guilt and loneliness. For each emotion, there is a gift and a curse:
Anger: The gift is value. The curse is loss of control.
Fear: The gift is wisdom. The curse is avoidance.
Pain: The gift is comfort. The curse is bitterness.
Loneliness: The gift is connection. The curse is isolation.
Guilt: The gift is integrity. The curse is low self-esteem.
Shame: The gift is humility. The curse is loss of self.
Joy: The gift is celebration. The curse is ungrounded reality.
Anger gives us value because when we feel it, something has been violated. We use it to remind us that we must protect something we value. It moves us to act.
The gift of fear, when it is rational, warns us of danger, so we act with flight or fight.
Pain (sorrow) reminds us to move toward comfort when we need it.
Loneliness drives us to reach out – we are social beings.
Guilt drives us back to the wholeness of ourselves (integrity) to our value system.
Shame give us humility when it is needed.
Joy is a reminder of how wonderful life can be and helps us appreciate things.
The key thing to remember is that emotions are all positive because they do give us a gift. But they are not all pleasant when we feel them.
If we can recognize the positive function of each emotion and act opposite to the curses of them, we will not only be easier on ourselves when we feel them – we will take the corrective action to regulate them.
