By Nate Bowman
GCU Office of Student Care
#Askingforafriend
“I don’t feel like I belong here,” you say. “Everyone else seems so much older and smarter. What should I do?”
We enter the world under the authority of our parents or guardians, relying heavily on them for survival. But as we grow, we have opportunities to build confidence.
Every time you reached for a toy, chose what bedtime story to read or washed your hands by yourself, you capitalized on an opportunity to build confidence.
Alternatively, you might have tried to stick your fingers into the outlet or ran around the house holding scissors, still showing confidence but in ways that weren’t positive. Rather, they were hazardous to your health.
As you gained proficiency with certain tasks, they were delegated to you. No longer were your parents/guardians cutting your food, tying your shoes or making your bed.
Fast forward and you’re choosing your friends, driving yourself to school and deciding where you want to live and work. Blink, and you’re no longer under the direct authority of your parents/guardians anymore. Finally! You’re adulting!
“But wait,” you say. “How come I still feel inferior to everyone around me?”
When tasks were delegated to you as a child, were you empowered and encouraged? A child can be really proficient at making their bed, but was there something wrong with the way it was made every time? Perhaps you’re 20, 30, even 60, but you feel stuck in that childlike state because as a child you were coddled or ruled with an iron hand, and confidence had little room to grow.
Maybe it’s finally time to allow some room for confidence.
It will be scary, foreign and uncomfortable, but allowing for some room shows beliefs like “I don’t feel like I belong here” and “Everyone else seems so much older and smarter” that you’re not just proficient, you’re an adult too.
For some of you, that might look like sharing your opinion or preference with someone you look up to, even when they have a different opinion than yours or prefer something else.
For others, you might need to submit to another adult’s request, not because you’re inferior to them, but because they’re not your parent telling you that you made the bed wrong again — there’s no need to protest. Perhaps they just have a different role than you do, yet they still respect you as an adult.
Whatever it is that you need to work on, start small. Each time you share your opinion or respectfully submit, you’re cultivating confidence.
