Sensing she could do only so much to save lives in Afghanistan, Christine Collins sensed it was time to take inventory of her life.
“I went and got my insurance policy updated,” Collins recalled of her overwhelming mental stress as a U.S. Air Force nurse 15 years ago. “I made sure everything was straightened out, that all my affairs were in order.
“And it was just trying to find out, ‘OK, how is this going to take place? I can’t let my kids find me or my husband. What is this going to look like?’ And I knew I had to see my commander.”
This was a life-changing moment for Collins, who bounced back from her fragile mental state. She documents and salutes those who sacrificed their lives and those who assisted the wounded in “Service, Honor & Sacrifice: Memoirs of a War Nurse,” a 237-page book published this summer.
Collins, who earned a nursing degree from Grand Canyon University 20 years ago before serving as an Air Force captain and trauma nurse in Afghanistan, gradually regained her peace and believed the timing was finally right to share what her experience was like and to inspire others to persevere through ominous times.
“Since writing this book and then pushing it out, there's this ... feeling of peace that I have in my soul that I have not felt in 15 long years,” Collins said.
A spontaneous chat with Col. Elizabeth Coddington, Collins’ commanding officer, helped clear some of those storm clouds.
“What she did for me was she reminded me of all of the fun times we had, like the joking, the accidents, and I just realized that I had been in such a dark place for so long that I forgot about all of those funny moments,” Collins said.
“And I just slipped on this. This light that had dimmed so far that I couldn't see it anymore, that she was able to use the dimmer switch and turn it on a little brighter to where I could see that light.”
There were some moments Collins couldn’t erase. She recalls losing soldiers despite performing chest compressions, cutting chest walls open, pumping a heart with her hand or a surgeon’s hand, “slamming” blood products into a body so it would have enough fluid to keep the heart, brain and other vital organs going, only to call code because she and the rest of her medical team could no longer save the person.
Collins believes the raw emotions of her book, recently available as an audiobook, connects them to her experiences.
“And at the end of each chapter, there is a piece of reflection about how I'm going to get through that day and then get through the next day and so on and so forth,” Collins said.
“You don't have to go to Afghanistan or Iraq or anywhere like that to be fighting a war. It's your own personal issue that's happening internally, and sometimes people don't even know what's going on inside. At the conclusion of the audiobook, as well as the print version, it's about seeing one another and being kind and being able to relate to someone that has challenges or that is struggling, and then being able to support one another at the end of the day and not to be afraid to talk about what some of those challenges are.”
Collins did not know being afflicted with post-traumatic stress disorder after returning from Afghanistan would affect her three daughters.
“It would be great to take a look at if there's research out there on service members who come home with PTSD, and how then that changes their children, and how they respond to things ...
“It's something that people can't see, but it's there. It's invisible and it can be tough. And even though it's now 15 years that I've redeployed home, I still struggle. And after listening to the audiobook myself, it is a full circle.”
Since returning from Afghanistan, Collins shifted her career, working at U.S. Health and Human Services before serving as director of clinical operations for Valor Healthcare. She is also chief operating officer for Big Time Jerseys, owned by her mother, Patsy Elmer, and operated at GCU’s Canyon Ventures, which supports startup businesses.
And most important, she is comfortable conveying the purpose of her book.
“Initially, I was just thinking, ‘OK, it's only maybe a temporary thing,’” Collins said. “But the more that I wake up and the more I feel this sense of calmness and peace, I absolutely know that by reading this book, that's what that gave me.
“I just wish I wouldn't have waited so long, but it is what it is. There's a reason why we do things when we do them. But man, the timing was right. It was, for sure.”
GCU News Senior Writer Mark Gonzales can be reached at [email protected].
***
How to buy the book: Amazon
***
Related content:
GCU News: GCU grad recalls her time as nurse in Afghanistan
GCU News: Big Time Jerseys sews up success at Canyon Ventures
